I, like most, can split my life up into phases. Clusters of years; different versions of me. And I used to be ashamed of certain periods of my life. But that shame is ushered in by confusion, and gracefully swept out by patience and the knowledge that I've done better since.
Time mercifully brings transparency. I am so stupidly humbled by what my life has brought me over the last handful of years. A healthy mind, a healing body, a divine love and a family. Right under my nose, I sprouted a huge net of beautiful, loving people.
Damn, that's an honor.
So, thankfully, I can ruminate on the ghost of decisions past and forgive myself for being blinded by pain and desperation.
Love will do that to you.
Almost a year ago, I had someone reach out to me via Facebook. And this person was such a beacon of everything that went wrong in the dark days. He was the catalyst and the ringleader of a multitude of bad things. Chaos and dramatics hung around him in a hazy smog and everyone within his radius was touched by it. We were all pretending to be happy in this dizzy, fast life of debauchery and whiskey that he evoked.
The version of me that existed in those days was so terribly sad and angry. I was desperately running... no, sprinting... away from my past and jumping on any train that took away the compounded years of abandonment, abuse and rejection. An exhausted shell. And for some odd reason, that's when the leeches come out to help you waste away. And so this person, and his band of merry fools, brought me under their bone-picked wings.
That is what happens to the lost ones.
But this post isn't about the Facebook message and what was said. It's about grace. And how it pulls you out of the obscurity and into the light. And holds you there until your legs are strong underneath you and you remember what it feels like to have hope. Grace is abundant and does not discriminate. It gives you life. And light. And love. And it doesn't. ever. stop.
Grace just is.
Sweeps out the bad.
Calls home the good.
And tells you that you are worthy of more.