The Fear

I was chatting with a friend of mine about the creative process and how damn scary it is.

She's experiencing the freak-out phase of development. It's the fear that hits right before you show the world what just came out of your brain.

It's naked and scary and awful and blissful and so many things all at once.

I rarely get so cliché as to mention song lyrics, or quote poetry, but I did mention a phrase to her that has resonated in my mind since I heard it first -

'And when the world finally sees his art, he wishes that he never would have made it...'

This.

Is.

Exactly what it feels like to push 'publish' on a blog post. Or to submit drafts to an editor. It's opening your world up to ridicule and inspection. And for me, a 70/30 introvert, this is harrowing.

My next article is about something so terribly personal, that I'm terrified of pulling the trigger. It deserves the highest honor in my emotional task force and I'm so worried that it won't translate. Adversely, I'm apprehensive that it will translate too well and show too much of something that I just can't fully expose.

So, I'm here and there and wanting to show but not tell.

But somewhere in the shadows is a positive email, or a comment, or a nudge from a friend that what I'm doing is right. And moreover, that it means something.

And resilience overrides fear.

(This is really a roundabout way to say thank you. You know who you are. Your words mean...well, everything).

(Girl) Friends

I get a little soapbox-y about certain things. Sometimes it's warranted, and sometimes it's frivolous. Sometimes, I get riled up at a news story, or see something dancing around pop culture that just burns me up. I know my opinions aren't facts, and I don't try and convince people I'm right...at least on most things.

I know I can be a bit ridiculous. And a touch dramatic.

...sometimes.

I think there's enough in the news as of late regarding a general lack of respect for women permeating our culture. And while I'm overjoyed that these conversations are being brought to the table, I think there's one that deserves a little nod of recognition:

Women respecting and uplifting other women.

More pointedly, and perhaps to speak in clear and concise terms:

Stop calling your female friends derogatory names.

You know the ones I'm referring to. I don't even want to type them out. Not because I don't say them (*ahem* probably far too frequently)...but because in this context, at least this time, I don't think it's necessary.

I think the spirit these terms are meant in is one of camaraderie, to show familiarity, to show that we (we, as in women) have the power and wherewithal to use those words in a joking manner that are typically meant to demean us... I get it. I get it all.

But still.

It's tacky. And unnecessary. And rude. And, honestly, still demeaning. The gender of the person speaking doesn't dictate how the word is going to sound spilling out of their mouth. A mean word is a mean word.

And really, don't we hear those things enough?